Killing myself softly
Last night, I slept at 1:30 - 2:00 am. Its very unusual for me but I just had to finish the group project. See the word group? A group of 8 people, 2 people contributing the most stories, 3 other helping out one way or another and the other 3, nothing. And I need to stay up late, and finish it just for the sake of having a grade. Not one of my group mates even uttered a "Thank You".
I woke up at 5:15. My body wouldnt budge, it was shouting "Go back to sleep!", deep down, I wanted to sleep. "I have to get up for school... that was my mind set.. I have to get u...up.. for sch....school... get...up...for....zzzzzzzzz" I fell asleep a few seconds after waking up. Its not the first time that has happened. I cant blame my body, I only have it 3 hours of rest, it just cannot justify that. So, I woke up at 6:00, giving my body an extra hour of rest. It didnt seem satisfied and killed me the whole day. Every chance I get, in CL and Math, I always find a way to feel sleepy. Ive wet my face already, Ive punched my self countless times and opened closed wounds, Ive squeezed my arms, hit my cheeks, slam a book into my face and everything. My body just doesnt want to be awake. Even when Ms. Allona was giving the last 20 mins as "kwentuhan-time" I still felt sleepy. Although I was trying to keep a smile on my face. Going home, I tried to smile, I just wanted to sleep. I ran out of the HS building and to the SCO office. There, I rested and attempted to sleep, but GS noice is too much. On my way home, I fell asleep. When I got home, I fell asleep. During dinner time, I almost slept.
Sometimes, people can get fooled how a person acts. Im often viewed as an optimist who doesnt seem to have any problems. Though im very good in hiding problems, im as good as releasing them to the world. A while ago it didnt seem to anyone that I was sleepy, exhausted and on the break of passing out. Instead, I tried to make sure no one would care about what im feeling and to focus. Just keeping a smile on my face hides everything...
And now, im stressed out again. Life as I know it is slowly crumbling. Every min I think of something productive to do, I cant even procrastinate nowadays because everything I do is procrastinating already. And with this, I kill my free time, I kill my leisure for other things. And ultimatley, im killing myself. Its up to you to find out why.
I woke up at 5:15. My body wouldnt budge, it was shouting "Go back to sleep!", deep down, I wanted to sleep. "I have to get up for school... that was my mind set.. I have to get u...up.. for sch....school... get...up...for....zzzzzzzzz" I fell asleep a few seconds after waking up. Its not the first time that has happened. I cant blame my body, I only have it 3 hours of rest, it just cannot justify that. So, I woke up at 6:00, giving my body an extra hour of rest. It didnt seem satisfied and killed me the whole day. Every chance I get, in CL and Math, I always find a way to feel sleepy. Ive wet my face already, Ive punched my self countless times and opened closed wounds, Ive squeezed my arms, hit my cheeks, slam a book into my face and everything. My body just doesnt want to be awake. Even when Ms. Allona was giving the last 20 mins as "kwentuhan-time" I still felt sleepy. Although I was trying to keep a smile on my face. Going home, I tried to smile, I just wanted to sleep. I ran out of the HS building and to the SCO office. There, I rested and attempted to sleep, but GS noice is too much. On my way home, I fell asleep. When I got home, I fell asleep. During dinner time, I almost slept.
Sometimes, people can get fooled how a person acts. Im often viewed as an optimist who doesnt seem to have any problems. Though im very good in hiding problems, im as good as releasing them to the world. A while ago it didnt seem to anyone that I was sleepy, exhausted and on the break of passing out. Instead, I tried to make sure no one would care about what im feeling and to focus. Just keeping a smile on my face hides everything...
And now, im stressed out again. Life as I know it is slowly crumbling. Every min I think of something productive to do, I cant even procrastinate nowadays because everything I do is procrastinating already. And with this, I kill my free time, I kill my leisure for other things. And ultimatley, im killing myself. Its up to you to find out why.
posted by solid0718 at
8:06 PM
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